Depression is Not an Option!

Beating the Holiday Blues Wow! Where has the year gone? It seems like just a few weeks ago we were celebrating the new year. So once again, millions are about to kick their minds and bodies into overdrive as the holiday season rapidly approaches, causing themselves a great deal of stress and strain.
Let’s face it, 2012 has not been a stellar year for the economy and job market. So your dollars (if there are any left) no longer have the buying power they once did. And for some of you men reading this, this is the very fact that will drive you into a deep depression – depressed because you can no longer provide the holidays for your children and family you once were accustomed to. I am sure you are already aware of the problems that can occur once depression sets in. Problems such alcoholism, physical and mental abuse, drug addiction, obesity and a host of other issues that depression brings out of people – especially men. Men suffer and deal with depression differently than women in some instances. According to recent studies, finances have been the main source of depression for men in the past decade.
During the holidays, I thoroughly understand what it feels like to want to shower your child(ren) with everything they want, yet you’re unable to. I too have been depressed because I could not provide a lot of fleeting material possessions to my children. I was only able to conquer the depression after my children shared with me a valuable lesson - a lesson I pondered on for quite some time; one that I share throughout the country when I speak.
Depression usually rears its ugly head during the holidays when we lose sight of what the time is really about. The holidays are a time of giving, sharing and reflecting. The holidays are about spreading love and cheer; creating new memories that will last beyond any gift you could buy.
You see not all gifts cost a lot of money, if any money at all. Some of the best gifts are made from scratch, straight from the heart; which brings me to my lesson, men. The lesson isn’t some major algebraic equation – it’s actually quite the opposite. To beat the holiday blues remember this: The greatest gift you can give your child is love. The second gift is the gift of time. You spend time with what and who you love. Best of all those two gifts are free.
So dads even if you have the money this holiday season, I encourage you to be creative, get your hands dirty and create something from your heart. The memory for your child(ren) as well as yourself will never be erased.
For those men unable to spend time with your child(ren) this holiday season, simply be honest and explain it to them. Children are more forgiving and understanding than we are. Write your child a letter, give them a call, make a card – whatever you have to do to make sure they understand you love them. Your love isn’t measured by the number of gifts you buy, but by the love you give.
‘Tis the season to be merry. Depression is not an option. Be encouraged my friends. Happy Holidays!

So Sad!

This blog entry steers clear of what I had planned on writing about this week. Speaking to a gentleman over the weekend I realized I needed to do something on behalf of him and his son. He shared some very alarming issues he is having with the mother of his son. The sad part is, she is using her own selfish desires to make the father suffer which in turn is making the father/son relationship difficult. Before you read on let me share this. This gentleman has not been with the mother since the child was a year old. The boy is 16 now! She has gone on to have multiple children(4) by multiple men(4) and receives child support from three of the four fathers. I guess the fourth will have to pay up soon!

I am all for the child support system IF the father is NOT making any effort to care for his child on a CONSISTENT basis. However many women use the system as a way to get revenge on the man due to their failed relationship. Some even use the court system like a job, meaning they need that check to fund their own lifestyle The child doesn't see the money at all. In this man's particular situation the child sees a few dollars. However the mom doesn't know what she spends and from which father because three payments are direct deposit to a child support debit card. The child has no college fund, no savings account,nothing beneficial to his future.

Now the gentleman I am speaking of contacted my organization fatherhoodmattersinc.com to ask my advice. We spoke for hours about his situation. He even played me their recorded conversation. I was shocked, stunned and appalled by what I heard. The mother of his son BLOCKED the dad's number from their phone so he cannot talk to him. He has no contact with a son he spoke to on a daily basis. The reason for this was because the father broke down and told his 16yr. old son that he didn't have the money to pay for something that he was notified about at the last minute. The father proceeded to tell his son his current financial situation. He explained that throughout the years he has spent his own money to buy shoes, clothes, recreation such as football,etc. He did this all while paying child support and never complained. Yet the mother says he could do more. WOW! Everything the child asked for he got until recently. He knew nothing of his dad paying child support. Once the mom found out about the conversation from the son she became livid. She called the father and cursed him out then blocked the number. The father never cursed her or disrespected her during the phone encounter. Here we are three months later the phone is still blocked even after the mother and father talked. The mom said she would unblock the number yet two weeks has gone by and she hasn't gotten around to it! SO SAD!

Moms please understand that you cannot put a price on the presence of a father being in his child's life. The father may not have much money yet he gives time; he teaches your child from a man's point of view and he does it consistently. Please allow him to do just that. If it is truly about that baby you love so much this shouldn't be a problem. We all know that it truly takes a village to raise these kids today. It especially takes a fathers presence; do not rob your child of that opportunity. Believe me your child will grow to learn the truth.

To my fathers that may be experiencing this problem or one similar, Keep on pushing! It is about your child not about the mom. If you guys can't be cordial meet at a family members house or a public place to see your child. Just be the bigger person who is able to see the bigger picture. You may even need to go to court. I hate to say that but it is true.

To the man that gave me the inspiration for this blog entry I SALUTE YOU! Continue on being the dad you know to be no matter what. Good trumps evil any day!

Dealing With Boys Who Have ADHD

This is a topic that is near and dear to me. I have the pleasure of knowing a wonderful six year boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD. It is difficult to watch him struggle from afar so I decided to share some knowledge as well as hope to you the reader.

Due to a variety of cultural forces over the past few decades, many women have had to take on greater responsibility in the raising of their children; sometimes even assuming the role of both mother and father. This model is not ideal for anyone — it asks too much of mothers, diminishes the influence of a loving father, and deprives the child of a role model they sorely need. It is especially not best for boys with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD). Boys with ADHD need their dads.

Dads must understand what their child is going through and be patient and supportive. They must understand that their child may not learn as fast as others, however the child can learn through different methods of teaching. It is imperative that the son feels like dad understands and accepts him. If he doesn't feel accepted from dad how can he totally accept himself? Your son needs your approval much as you may have needed your father's approval when you were growing up. Give him what you had or didn't for that matter.

Boys are more likely to have ADHD than girls. Many need medication to help them cope and focus. Parents must consistently shower that child with positive affirmations reassuring him that he can Do It. Whatever that "IT" is he can do it with a little hard work and dedication. Just hearing that from his parents, especially his dad makes a world of difference.
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The need for father's approval is even more critical when the son with ADHD has poor motor skills. This son might be clumsy and have poor eye-hand coordination. He might not do well in the usual team sports, like baseball, basketball, or soccer. If a boy isn't successful in traditional sports, forming relationships with boys or feeling good about being a boy is hard. They often become loners and have difficulty making friends.
Girls don't necessarily have to share physical activities to bond with other girls — they can make friends and interact through talking. Male bonding does not include talking. Have you ever seen two boys sit and discuss their day? Male bonding is grunting, wrestling, hitting, and playing sports. Boys with ADHD need activities that help them build confidence in their bodies and are healthy outlets for their high energy.

Ask your son how you can help him focus and stay on course. Participate in activities with him. Show him how patient and understanding you are about his condition which in turn will help him reach his goals. I want to stress that I am not saying moms are not important in this process; however an active and understanding dad can make the process of dealing with ADHD smoother for the son and mother. Be encouraged my friends.

7 Facts that Will Help You With Your Child

1. Accept the fact that your child—like all children—is imperfect.

2. Don't believe all the "bad news" about your child. (you know your child better than anyone)

3. Don't overestimate the importance of medication.

4. Make sure you know the difference between discipline and punishment.

5. Never punish a child for behavior that he is unable to control.

6. Pay more attention to your child's positive behavior.

7. Learn to anticipate potentially explosive situations.

Happy Father's Day

To my fathers,
Today is your day. I encourage you to hold your head high and thank God for allowing you to experience the beautiful gift we know as Fatherhood. I, myself ask you to strive to be a better Dad. Society needs Men! Any male can be a father, yet it takes a man to be daddy! Enjoy this day. Spend some time reflecting on life with your children if possible.Tell them how much they mean to you. If that's not possible, thank God for at least giving you the chance to be a part of His "Special Fraternity" called Fatherhood! Happy Father's Day!!!

Its A New Day....

Tomorrow is Fathers Day! Congrats to all you fathers. I would like to ask something of all men. Please join me in prayer tomorrow morning at 9a.m. cst. Let us pray for each other and ask God to give us wisdom as we deal with our children. May He help us make sound decisions as we deal with our families. May He help us be the men He called us to be. Fathers may we be better this year than we were last. Remember, society is the way it is partly due to males not operating in their roles as MEN. Thank you for your support and an early Happy Father's Day!!!

Food for thought...

Always remember that your children are just that--children. Never assume that they know what you haven't taught them. Life lessons come from you first. Teaching them is your responsibility. If you do not teach them right the world will. I don't think you believe our society is the best example for our children to learn from. Think about it.

Shout out...

I would like to tilt my hat to all the men that are doing there best. Children need guidance and wisdom from both parents...don't rob them.

Discipline...

Now I understand that times have changed. I understand that their are new diagnosis for certain ailments. I also am cognizant of the fact the more our world has changed the worse our children have become. One thing that should not have changed is the discipline of children. A city without walls will crumble. A child without guidance will fail. We have so many disrecpectful children this day and age. The problem is the lack of parenting. How can we fault them when they had little to no guidance or discipline.
Thought of the day! Spare the rod spoil the child

Thought of the day

Thought of the day: Listen, Share, Teach, and Love

Be Encouraged!

A man with missing toes complained about his disability until he ran into the man the with no feet. The man with no feet complained about his condition until he ran into the man with no legs...My point is that it isnt always as bad as it seems. Keep on pushing. Giving up is not an option. If you couldn't get through it God wouldn't allow you to go through it.

Thought of the day: Someone elses circumstances are worse than yours.

Thought of the day!

Think of all the wonderful women who are forced to be Mothers and Fathers! We salute you! To my men reading this let's do better. If you are a good dad strive to be great! Women thanks again. You are the glue that holds it all together. 

Thought of the day

Thought of the day: I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.

Think about this

Thought of the day:What you did or did not teach your children yesterday affects who they are today.

Question?

PWhat did you teach your child yesterday? Think about it...Trust me I'm going somewhere with this! Great Day!

Think about it....

I remember hearing as a child,'Do as I say not as I do'. I found that to be very misleading in my later years. Children emulate their parents. Parents are the first beings children learn to trust. So it is only natural for them to do what they see. My advice to you is to lead by example.

Thought of the day: The best lesson given is the one seen.

Thought of the day

Thought of the day: It is not until you have a son that you understand all your father told you.

Funny thought

I read this funny quote the other day so I decided to share it. Basically, it is telling us not to have more children than we can take of...Tell me what you think.

Thought of the day:It goes without saying that you should never have more children than windows.

You Are Important

One day I was counseling one of my associates on a family matter. He had lost his job,on the verge of divorce and just down right depressed. The feeling of hopelessness oozed out of his pores. When he told me he was worthless I felt his pain because I too had those thoughts once before in my younger years.As he spoke, I did to  him what was done to me. As he told me all the reasons he was unimportant I denounced them. As he talked, all I did was kept uttering his kids names. He became bothered and asked why was I doing that. My answer was, "Your children are the reason you are important". All you need to do is think of them when you feel down and out. If you truly love your children then the thought of them should lift your spirits. They should be enough reason for you to carry on.

Thought of the day: Children make your life meaningful

Thought of the day

This says it all...

Thought of the day: A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.(confucius)

In Memory of

I pray for the families that have been affected by the Ohio school shooting. Please tell your chidren you love them. We never know when it is our turn to go. So sad this is. May God Bless you all.

Thought of the day

Thought of the day: Want it more than you are afraid of it.

Time Well Spent...

Hello once again...Yes I have taken a couple of days off. However, I must tell you that I took the time off to spend it with my children. My kids have told me they understand that daddy is busy due to my work schedule. It touched my heart when I heard that the other day. That lead me to take a break and spend some time with them. It was well worth it I must say. So take the time to spend some time. Have a great day!

Thought of the day: A little time spent is a little love gained.

Thought of the day

Thought of the day: He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him to do it.(clarence kelland)

You are appreciated!

This is just a reminder to all dads.. If you are involved in your childs life you are sppreciated. Even when you feel neglected know that you are needed.

Thought of the day: Dads are the foundation children's lives are built on. Are you a solid foundation?

Got to be there...

Of course that beautiful song that was sung by the Jackson 5 came to my mind as I was thinking about my children. My daughter and I were talking one day about her Volleyball game. She was telling me, "Dad you got to be there". That statement rings true today. As dads we GOT TO BE THERE. Our presence makes a world of difference even when we feel it doesn't. Men you've got to be there. Oh, let me point out that your time means more than the money you spend or send.

Thought of the day: One father is worth more than a hundred teachers

Thought of the day...

Thought of the day: Fathers,like mothers,are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.

Thinking...

I will be the first to tell anyone that I have had my share of problems when it comes to parenting. I mean from dealing with the mom to the children. So I know what you the reader may be going through. My advice to you is to persevere .Press forward, for your child will thank you in the end. Remember its about the kids not about you. Do what is right by them and the rest will work itself out I promise.

Thought of the day: I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need of a father's protection (sigmund freud)

Believe in me...

The great coach Jim Valvano talked about how his father believed in him even when he didn't believe in himself. That was one of the most poignant statements I heard from someone about their parent. A parent's belief in their child is crucial to that child's growth. Let them know you have their back even when they make a mistake. Encourage them constantly. Most of all let them know you believe in them.

Thought of the day: My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.  Jim Valvano

Life Is Short

As we think of the sudden and tragic death of Whitney Houston;be mindful that tomorrow isn't promised to us either. No one knows the time nor the hour. Not only tell your children you love them but tell everyone you love. Never miss an opportunity to share an uplifting and caring word.

Thought of the day: One day your here and the next day your gone...

How will your children remember you?

Do you ever think about what your children will say about you after you leave this earth? I believe if we thought of that more often we may do some things differently. How do you want to be remembered?

Thought of the day: It doesnt matter who you think you are to your children;it matters what they think you are to them.

Self Explanatory

I do not feel the need to give an explanation today. Read the thought of the day and make it a daily choice. Have a Great Day!

Thought of the day: The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Speak Life (cont.)

Speaking life into your child's life is imperative. As you can see it's so necessary that I have dedicated another post to the subject. You can make or break your child's future with your words. You can build or destroy with your words. Remember, say to your children what you wish your parents would've said to you.

Thought of the day: Death and life lies on the tongue.

Speak Life

I remember the story in bible where God commanded the prophet to speak life into some dry bones, meaning the individual was dead. I encourage you to pour positive affirmations over your children daily. Speak life into their spirits constantly. Never let their soul run dry. Your words make a difference.

Thought of the day: Kind words cost nothing yet they are precious gems.

Thought of the day

I figured I would just get right to it today.

Thought of the day: Becareful how you treat your children for they are the ones who will pick your nursing home.

Super Dad

As I watch this wonderful Super Bowl I had the thought of hosting a Super Bowl for Super Dads. As this thought lingers I juggle back and forth thinking of what makes a Super Dad. Well I must admit that it didn't take much thought. A Super Dad is one who sacrifices and puts his children before himself. A Super Dad is one who goes to each game even though he is  tired from a long day. A Super Dad bakes brownies with his daughter. I believe you get the point. A Super Dad isn't crowned because he spends the most money. A Super Dad is crowned on the strength of his Super sacrifices, his Super dedication, his Super Love.

Thought of the day: Are you a Super Dad?

Super Bowl Weekend

Well the big game is less than 24hrs. away. Guess what, after the game its time to suit up for the real challenge-FATHERHood


Thought of the day:Play hard,live hard,LOVE HARDER 

It's the weekend baby!

Well my friends we have made it through another week. Congrats....To top it off it is Super Bowl weekend. What better way to end a rough week than to watch a MAN's game on a MAN's own time.(Sorry, I got excited.) Ok now back to the subject at hand, Fatherhood. Please make a special moment with your child this weekend. Watch the game with your son and tell him how you wish your favorite team was playing.(The Cowboys...just saying) Watch the game with your daughter and listen to her squeal as a player gets knocked into a new day. Or watch it with your child and lie about how good you use to be at football when you were young! Come on I know I'm not the only one that does that. Anyway,whatever you do this weekend make sure you enjoy your child. Be Safe!

Thought of the day: Time is precious and worth more than silver and gold.

Fear

Hello once again,
I am writing this post after having a long thinking session. I recently had a conversation with a gentleman about his fear of fatherhood. After our conversation I had an epiphany about the meaning of fear. One of the things I want you men and women to understand that fear is a trait that each of us has. Left unchecked it can block us from enjoying the fullness of life. So I leave you with the thought of the day hoping it will spark something deep within your spirit.

Thought of the day: Fear is nothing more than misunderstood emotions.

Memories

I pray you are doing well as you read this. I hope you are living each moment to the fullest. I hope you are enjoying your children because they are a gift that didn't have to be given. I hope you laugh with them knowing you are creating memories that will never fade.

Thought of the day: When was the last time you created a lasting memory with your child?

A Truly Rich Man

I believe we all love nice things in life. Many strive for riches. However riches come with a price. The price is sometimes neglect. We neglect our children on many occasions. We don't spend that extra time because we are tired from dealing with the daily grind of life. And when we can spend the time we usually choose to do what we want to do because we work so hard each day. Well I want to bring to your remembrance that nothing in life is promised to you but life, death and family. Don't get so consumed with chasing material things that you lose site of what is promised to you, YOUR CHILDREN.

Thought of the day: A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

New day, New week

As we start a new week I encourage you to dream more, press harder and dare to be greater in all you do. Spend more time with your kids and tell  them you love them one more time than you did last week. Have a good one....NO A GREAT ONE!!!

Thought of the day: Children are a gift not a priviledge. Are you taking care of what was given to you?

Say hello to a new day!

Today is a new day. A day full of decisions that must be made. A day that many were not fortunate enough to see. So make the choice to enjoy today with your loved ones. Remember you are in control of your own thoughts and actions. View the world from a positive standpoint because as we all know life is too short!

Thought of the day: Wise fathers learn more from the foolish ones than the foolish from the wise.

Welcome World....

Today we embark on a journey many of you know and others have heard of, Fatherhood. This blog is a daily devotional for fathers yet I believe it will be helpful to mothers as well. Each day I will share a thought that I hope will inspire your soul, motivate your spirit and stimulate your mind.When it comes to parenting we all need a little inspiration. I look forward to sharing with you as well as hearing from you. Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings as well. With that being said let's get into it.

Thought of the day: It is much easier to become a father than to be one.